See a purpose in everything.

This past week in a nut shell: I realized I’ve failed as a daughter. Our office was robbed. I've seen a parent try to move from the countryside to the city for the sake of her child, and fail. My mom finally recognizes and thanks God for the changes in my life. Tension with the family here has pushed everyone over the edge…did I leave out anything? Maybe.

I've realized I'm self-centered, impatient, pray to God like he's my genie, and don't praise his name enough. I needed to have doors closed on me, be criticized to my face, and see the hardship others face to learn that my problem lies in my attitude in general, not my specific reaction to things. Thank you God for using Qing Dao as a humbling experience for me. Although the Danish relatives are leaving tomorrow, the learning doesn't stop here. I approach the remaining 3 weeks of my trip with the expectation to learn more..

The Call (Isaiah 6)

Isaiah 6:1-8

This has been one of the most influential passages in my life and in my personal call to ministry. Isaiah is one of the most celebrated prophets and one of the first to prophesy of the great redemption to come for all people.

I remember first applying for leadership with InterVarsity my first year of my undergrad and being so afraid of and unsure whether or not I was good enough or spiritual enough to be a leader in the community. I knew that I was forgiven and redeemed and beautiful and worthy through the grace of Christ, but was I really forgiven and redeemed and beautiful and worthy? For me, Isaiah's response is not foreign to me. I understand how humbling it is to stand before God in His glory and me in my smallness and brokenness and weakness. Isaiah was quick to understand his own nature and that of God's, but just as quick to receive God's grace and freedom and unashamedly stand before an audience of angels to answer the call of God.

How courageous that seems to me! It is easier to say that I am a broken person and far more difficult to claim without doubt that I have been made clean because my sin nature is still within me and I struggle with it everyday. And yet God's call to us is to believe and embrace our freedom. To everyday say, "the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men*" and so I will live out my life like I am a freed person. I will "say 'no' to ungodliness and worldly passions*" and strive toward a life of righteousness because I have been given the power to be free of these things!

This is what discipleship is. Eugene Peterson calls it, "a long obedience in the same direction." Applying for leadership my freshman year was my way of taking a risk of faith in believing that I was indeed saved and worth it and had the power to live out the lifestyle, although I did not know if I would succeed and it was indeed a difficult year. As a staff worker and vocational minister, everyday I am confronted with this decision of faith. Do I believe. Will I live what I believe. Will I be a person of integrity. Will I try because I believe that it can happen and risk being disappointed because of the reigning brokenness in this world.

As we consider the ministry of gathering and caring and growing Asian Americans on our campus next year, we must start with this question before we can answer His call shamelessly and with confidence. The question of faith and real discipleship and obedience. The questions of "will you serve" and "will you lead" will always bend before the greater question of faith: "Will you follow me?"

It's starting to make sense now...

This summer I had to come to Qing Dao and have these family conflicts. I had to feel overwhelmed with guilt and negative thoughts to realize how to focus and be reminded of God's grace. I had to learn to humble myself by swallowing criticism and following unreasonable requests. Getting rejected from all the internships for this summer, going to Chapter Focus before China, and starting the new AA chapter when we get back...are all a part of God's plans for me, and the new chapter. God's revealing to me the gifts I have to offer, and I hope that I will use them well to serve him. :)

I'm taking over because nobody else is posting..

My small group is really interesting: We're hosted by an American family of 5 that moved here permanently 5 years ago. Their house is all-American on one floor (bookshelves of classics like Moby Dick and candles) and then very Chinese on the other (silk bedsheets, ceramic vases, etc...except for this one plant they'd grown from seeds they smuggled into the country). In our small group we also have a Chinese American mother, a white South African lady, and a newlywed couple made up of a Filipino man and a white girl from Japan that met in Shanghai. Most of them are students/teachers at the international school, and the newlyweds told us about their recent trip to Szechuan to teach in camps because the schools aren't up and running yet after the earthquake. They were told not to evangelize, and so they didn't, but the Chinese Christians there were pretty open about it and even sang worship songs while walking around with the Chinese army hahaha. I keep hearing people talk about strong Chinese fellowship here, but I wonder if I'll have the chance to witness it before I leave?

My testimony wasn't how I imagined it to be, but I think it still turned out fine. :) I told them about how I used to think that you had to grow up Christian and it wasn't something that could just happen to you later, my "existential" period of thinking I was in complete control of my life, and how growing up I always had a loving brother near to me that served as a witness in my life without me even realizing it till years later. I shared with them my struggles living with my Buddhist family (things are much better now by the way) and about my doubts as a leader next year...but they were very encouraging and prayed for me. They also told me to consider getting baptized here in the Yellow Sea..sounds exotic!

After meeting the newlyweds from my small group, and seeing one of my Christian friends here start dating a non-believer, the following question popped up in my head: What does it mean to live with God at the center of your life, especially in the context of a romantic relationship? I have no right to judge other people's relationships with God, and as a "new" Christian I don't know what dating is like with God in the relationship, so I'm curious...based on your experience or knowledge, what do you think?

Asian American PBS

Sagwa, by Amy Tan

So how do you "pray together" online?

Every week I will be posting a short Prayer Challenge, a post to help challenge us in how we are praying and get us starting to pray if we're not sure how to do so. Each prayer challenge will include a prompt. You're encouraged, but not required to "pray" with the community by commenting in response.

Prayer Challenge #1: Prayer, Faith, and Fear

As we consider this summer and look forward to the fall with all its challenges, changes, and things to get done, our primary and greatest need as a people is to remain in Christ. We can bear no fruit if we are spiritually apart from God. We must first and foremost be people of prayer, people of faith, people yearning to surrender our fears and every need to God.

Make a list of ways that you want God to move among our community as we are praying for the AA plant this summer. List these things in prayer before God silently or click send as a way to offer these requests up to God.